I love blogfests, and this one is awesome! Hosted by Alicia, Erinn, Holly, and Pam, & Quita, the Query Letter Blogfest is meant to help writers perfect one of the most vital marketing tools in their arsenal: the query letter (or, The Most Important First Impression You’ll Ever Make). So, check out the query letter I’ve posted below and, if you’re so inclined, leave a comment letting me know what works and what doesn’t.
DISCLAIMER: I’ve only just started to draft this story. While the summary is the basic gist of what will happen, I’m still ironing out the details. Also, I am inherently wordy. I suspect this query letter has fallen victim to my wordiness. Please do point out fluff if you choose to critique. Also, please do not hesitate to be brutally honest. I’ll probably cry and eat a gallon of ice cream while reading comments, but I’ll handle it and come to greatly appreciate any thoughtful feedback. 🙂
***Updated to add: I’ve edited the summary of my query letter based on some excellent feedback I’ve received today. The version below is new and hopefully improved…
And on that note:
I’m writing to query your interest in my contemporary young adult novel, Insert Fabulous Title Here, told in alternating points of view and complete at 60,000-ish words. PERSONAL BIT… I hope Insert Fabulous Title Here will intrigue you.
Brilliant loner Lia Bonelli and over-achieving doctor’s son Jace Bryant have been competing to be Valedictorian since freshmen year, but petty rivalries vanish one autumn afternoon when two masked men storm their school bus, hijacking it without explanation. Jace has no idea that the kidnappers are Lia’s cousins, the sons of her recently deceased crime boss uncle. Uncle Ray was the victim of a botched surgery, and Lia’s cousins hold Dr. Henry Bryant, Jace’s father, responsible.
Lia is a secret accomplice to her cousins’ plan—of course she is; duty is everything to her relatives. Plus, her cousins have promised her a cut of the ransom money, exactly what she needs to escape her corrupt family once and for all. But as the abduction drags into days, Lia and Jace grow unexpectedly close. Her audacity gives him courage he’s never had, and his unwavering honesty is more authentic than anything she’s known. Then word comes that the Bryants can’t produce the payment Lia’s cousins demand. When it becomes clear that they’ll do anything to secure the ransom money—even kill—Lia is forced to choose between family allegiance and the very real affection she’s beginning to feel for Jace.
I am a member of The Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, YALitChat and Savvy Authors. I have a BA from Washington State University and a background in teaching. Per AGENCY NAME’S submission guidelines, I have ATTACHED/PASTED WHATEVER of Insert Fabulous Title Here to this email. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Can’t wait to see what you think, and thank you in advance for any feedback you offer! Also, you can click HERE to check out the list of participants. Please do take a moment to drop by to offer critique on a few of their query letters.